to see the rainbow, you have to endure the rain

Note-This post will be all over the place.

I guess the title of this post pretty much sums up the experience that is 2009 so far. I wont say too much here....cos you're probably a random....but truly, the past seven months or so have been the worst of my life. Its taken me this long to write about my feelings during the time because I think it feels like I'm, you could say....a lot more emotionally detached from the situation now then I was then. (I cried everyday for a whole month LOL) I don't know if I was depressed, but it got to the point where doing anything productive seemed sooooo hard. I truly felt like giving away summer school and I was on the verge of tears as I walked into the exam room I was that stressed. Eating was one of the hardest things to do. I was never in the mood to eat, and I think once for the whole day I only had one piece of toast and I was fine. Every morning, I would open my eyes and just dread getting out of bed. I'd lie there until about 2 in the afternoon and just be generally pathetic and miserable.

Sleeping was pretty much the highlight of my holidays....sleeping gave a temporary release from everything. I'll never forget that sinking feeling of waking up....and all those worries and burdens suddenly falling on my shoulders again. It's funny....because I thought I had a pretty legit reason for feeling so miserable all the time...I took it as an excuse to be just that....miserable. Confusing huh?? So there I was....feeling nothing but crap, and wanting nothing more than to get over the heartache....but I did nothing about it. After about two months....I think I was just emotionally drained....and my eyes were as dry as hell. I was numb....pretty much a zombie. After that....for a few months....I viewed a lot of people with a lot of disdain. I was not trusting....and very lukewarm towards people.

hmmm....thats it for now....cbb writing anymore =]P