okayyy....so a few weeks ago, i was studying/assignmenting with a few friends in baillieu i think it was. that morning had been pretty windy and had been raining, so i'd sorta been half power walking half jogging to get to the library asap. recently, i've converted from using gel to using wax after a friend commented on my CONSTANTLY perfectly shaped hair saying that it seemed to be 'too in place' all the time. anyway point is, when it's windy, my hair goes out of whack cos wax doesn't hold anywhere near as strongly as gel does.
so...i've just sat down, rather breathless and start getting books/notes out. so after that's done, i sorta look at a glass wall thing, just to make sure i'm like sorta looking okay...you know...i wanna make sure i haven't somehow developed a combover and look like adolf hitlers asian cousin or something....
to my horror...it's like nothing like the original shape i had spent the best part of 3 minutes at home shaping/messing up, depending on how you look at it. it looked pretty bad....like all my hair was pointing in one direction...sorta like a mohawk...so...trying to appear not too vain, i'm frantically trying to mess it up a bit, so i have random bits just sticking out everywhere...and after like, 30 secs its sorta done. there don't seem to be that many good looking girls at melbourne uni so i'm like...its okayy if its not perfect (JOKING) and i get to work. cept like...i start to become srsly paranoid....up to the point where i ask my friends (who were guys btw) 'dude...does my hair look alright?'. 'haha...don't worry andy, pretty sure those girls where checking you out when u first walked in' and he points to a group of fobs with hello kitty backpacks etc....chortle. then for some reason, although i've already seen my hair in the mirror, i ask them 'what does my hair look like?'...'just like you got out of bed'. ahhhh awesome....that's the look i sorta strive for you know....so picking up my chem book, i sorta slump into my chair and begin reading....and then a awesome idea hits me....if i really want to get the 'just got out of bed look', why don't i actually use that method to do my hair?? like...actually wax my hair before i go to bed....and then in the morning...it should be done. and even if the wind screws it up...i don't think i'd care, cos i'd have practically spent no time or effort on it.
amazing thought, i know.....
Friday, October 9, 2009
Sunday, September 6, 2009
moulding and shaping....
Continuing on from that really moody blog from ages ago....
'Only in a world where faith is difficult, can faith exist.'
Been thinking about that above quote for a bit. Maybe I'm starting to realise what it really means.
I've been taught since I was young to always trust in God, to look to Him in times of turmoil and need. Growing up at Waverley, those truths were so easy to accept. ‘Yeah yeah, when half my immediate family gets wiped out in a freak safari accident in Africa involving a hippopotamus, I’ll just trust in God, and everything will be fine.’ But when those tough times rolled around....I found myself in a absolute mess. It's always a bit harder than what you envisaged. It's all good to learn scripture, to pray everyday, to think of Him once in a while, but your true character.....true faith....the true nature of your heart....is revealed through those times of chaos and confusion, when you’re hurting like nothing else and you feel like you have nowhere to turn to. That's just my spin on it =]P
This whole year....I've learnt more about myself than I ever have before, and grown so much. And in a funny way...I'm so glad it happened; the hurt and tears not so much...but some lessons need to be learnt the hard way. There was one moment, where I KNOW God reached down into my situation. And I will remember that moment forever. Some people might blow it off...and admittedly I did aswell....but once I saw it in the context of my situation....I realised its significance. Epiphany's have abounded since. haha
I think the personal nature of a faith in Jesus Christ has also been highlighted to me. So many gods that other religions worship are all impersonal, so seemingly detached from our lives; our hurt and pain. When Jesus came…He suffered so much. All of our pain rolled into one massive furball that He had to swallow. Rejection by His own people, temptation by the devil, being arrested for His truth and righteousness. He’s experienced our suffering...but to such a greater extent than we could ever imagine. Every tear I shed, He sheds. Every time my heart breaks, His breaks aswell. It’s such a great comfort =] How could you not love someone who practised more than He preached, who entered our world and suffered our pains, and comforts us in our sorrows when He could more than happily have walked away and said “You got yourselves into this mess, now get yourselves out’?? What more could He do??
I've come to realise there is so much wrong with my life. (Wow...that came out really easily, considering you're probably a random that doesn't even know me..or maybe you do know me, and you're opinion of me just dropped a lot haha) Lyrics from a Hillsong song- 'I'm delivered, but it doesn't seem right, unless I keep my eyes focused, on the Saviour who gave His life.' I'll be the first to admit, that sometimes I've purely viewed God as a get out of jail ticket. And that's so wrong. He deserves so much more.
andy.
'Only in a world where faith is difficult, can faith exist.'
Been thinking about that above quote for a bit. Maybe I'm starting to realise what it really means.
I've been taught since I was young to always trust in God, to look to Him in times of turmoil and need. Growing up at Waverley, those truths were so easy to accept. ‘Yeah yeah, when half my immediate family gets wiped out in a freak safari accident in Africa involving a hippopotamus, I’ll just trust in God, and everything will be fine.’ But when those tough times rolled around....I found myself in a absolute mess. It's always a bit harder than what you envisaged. It's all good to learn scripture, to pray everyday, to think of Him once in a while, but your true character.....true faith....the true nature of your heart....is revealed through those times of chaos and confusion, when you’re hurting like nothing else and you feel like you have nowhere to turn to. That's just my spin on it =]P
This whole year....I've learnt more about myself than I ever have before, and grown so much. And in a funny way...I'm so glad it happened; the hurt and tears not so much...but some lessons need to be learnt the hard way. There was one moment, where I KNOW God reached down into my situation. And I will remember that moment forever. Some people might blow it off...and admittedly I did aswell....but once I saw it in the context of my situation....I realised its significance. Epiphany's have abounded since. haha
I think the personal nature of a faith in Jesus Christ has also been highlighted to me. So many gods that other religions worship are all impersonal, so seemingly detached from our lives; our hurt and pain. When Jesus came…He suffered so much. All of our pain rolled into one massive furball that He had to swallow. Rejection by His own people, temptation by the devil, being arrested for His truth and righteousness. He’s experienced our suffering...but to such a greater extent than we could ever imagine. Every tear I shed, He sheds. Every time my heart breaks, His breaks aswell. It’s such a great comfort =] How could you not love someone who practised more than He preached, who entered our world and suffered our pains, and comforts us in our sorrows when He could more than happily have walked away and said “You got yourselves into this mess, now get yourselves out’?? What more could He do??
I've come to realise there is so much wrong with my life. (Wow...that came out really easily, considering you're probably a random that doesn't even know me..or maybe you do know me, and you're opinion of me just dropped a lot haha) Lyrics from a Hillsong song- 'I'm delivered, but it doesn't seem right, unless I keep my eyes focused, on the Saviour who gave His life.' I'll be the first to admit, that sometimes I've purely viewed God as a get out of jail ticket. And that's so wrong. He deserves so much more.
andy.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
a reprieve....so grateful....
'Sometimes God allows us to hit the bottom in order to discover that He's the rock at the bottom.'
Just found out a few days ago that all students accepted into the Masters of Engineering course will get a CSP place. Sooooo relieved you have no idea. Over the past few months, been really struggling with a lot of things. Faith, trust, the future etc.....you know...corny things that a teenage guy shouldn't really care about =]P I dunno....felt so insecure about everything to be honest, to the point that I felt guilty about my uncertainty in God's promise; and yet I couldn't help those feelings. And that was scary. It's come to the point where I have really started to question what my faith is based upon. Is it really as fragile as I think it is?? I read once-'Only in a world where faith is difficult, can faith exist.' What does that mean?????? Argghhhh....
One of the major drawbacks I thought of coming to Melb Uni was that I wasn't guaranteed to become a accredited engineer, and that scared me. Even if I did get into the Masters course, I was thinking....getting a CSP place would be so ridiculously hard, and I seriously doubted my parents ability to pay $25,000+ a year on top of my sisters fees. Career advisors knew absolutely nothing about selection criteria, and that was seriously unsettling. This is my future we're talking about!!! Geezz....lift your game UOM i was thinking haha. And I dunno....this is just a massive weight lifted from my shoulders....and it just feels like....it's one part of the puzzle put into place?? haha...i dunno...but i'm so grateful to Him for it =]
Just found out a few days ago that all students accepted into the Masters of Engineering course will get a CSP place. Sooooo relieved you have no idea. Over the past few months, been really struggling with a lot of things. Faith, trust, the future etc.....you know...corny things that a teenage guy shouldn't really care about =]P I dunno....felt so insecure about everything to be honest, to the point that I felt guilty about my uncertainty in God's promise; and yet I couldn't help those feelings. And that was scary. It's come to the point where I have really started to question what my faith is based upon. Is it really as fragile as I think it is?? I read once-'Only in a world where faith is difficult, can faith exist.' What does that mean?????? Argghhhh....
One of the major drawbacks I thought of coming to Melb Uni was that I wasn't guaranteed to become a accredited engineer, and that scared me. Even if I did get into the Masters course, I was thinking....getting a CSP place would be so ridiculously hard, and I seriously doubted my parents ability to pay $25,000+ a year on top of my sisters fees. Career advisors knew absolutely nothing about selection criteria, and that was seriously unsettling. This is my future we're talking about!!! Geezz....lift your game UOM i was thinking haha. And I dunno....this is just a massive weight lifted from my shoulders....and it just feels like....it's one part of the puzzle put into place?? haha...i dunno...but i'm so grateful to Him for it =]
Thursday, July 16, 2009
to see the rainbow, you have to endure the rain
Note-This post will be all over the place.
I guess the title of this post pretty much sums up the experience that is 2009 so far. I wont say too much here....cos you're probably a random....but truly, the past seven months or so have been the worst of my life. Its taken me this long to write about my feelings during the time because I think it feels like I'm, you could say....a lot more emotionally detached from the situation now then I was then. (I cried everyday for a whole month LOL) I don't know if I was depressed, but it got to the point where doing anything productive seemed sooooo hard. I truly felt like giving away summer school and I was on the verge of tears as I walked into the exam room I was that stressed. Eating was one of the hardest things to do. I was never in the mood to eat, and I think once for the whole day I only had one piece of toast and I was fine. Every morning, I would open my eyes and just dread getting out of bed. I'd lie there until about 2 in the afternoon and just be generally pathetic and miserable.
Sleeping was pretty much the highlight of my holidays....sleeping gave a temporary release from everything. I'll never forget that sinking feeling of waking up....and all those worries and burdens suddenly falling on my shoulders again. It's funny....because I thought I had a pretty legit reason for feeling so miserable all the time...I took it as an excuse to be just that....miserable. Confusing huh?? So there I was....feeling nothing but crap, and wanting nothing more than to get over the heartache....but I did nothing about it. After about two months....I think I was just emotionally drained....and my eyes were as dry as hell. I was numb....pretty much a zombie. After that....for a few months....I viewed a lot of people with a lot of disdain. I was not trusting....and very lukewarm towards people.
hmmm....thats it for now....cbb writing anymore =]P
I guess the title of this post pretty much sums up the experience that is 2009 so far. I wont say too much here....cos you're probably a random....but truly, the past seven months or so have been the worst of my life. Its taken me this long to write about my feelings during the time because I think it feels like I'm, you could say....a lot more emotionally detached from the situation now then I was then. (I cried everyday for a whole month LOL) I don't know if I was depressed, but it got to the point where doing anything productive seemed sooooo hard. I truly felt like giving away summer school and I was on the verge of tears as I walked into the exam room I was that stressed. Eating was one of the hardest things to do. I was never in the mood to eat, and I think once for the whole day I only had one piece of toast and I was fine. Every morning, I would open my eyes and just dread getting out of bed. I'd lie there until about 2 in the afternoon and just be generally pathetic and miserable.
Sleeping was pretty much the highlight of my holidays....sleeping gave a temporary release from everything. I'll never forget that sinking feeling of waking up....and all those worries and burdens suddenly falling on my shoulders again. It's funny....because I thought I had a pretty legit reason for feeling so miserable all the time...I took it as an excuse to be just that....miserable. Confusing huh?? So there I was....feeling nothing but crap, and wanting nothing more than to get over the heartache....but I did nothing about it. After about two months....I think I was just emotionally drained....and my eyes were as dry as hell. I was numb....pretty much a zombie. After that....for a few months....I viewed a lot of people with a lot of disdain. I was not trusting....and very lukewarm towards people.
hmmm....thats it for now....cbb writing anymore =]P
Monday, June 8, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
giving it up.....
You know how there's a scene in Forrest Gump, how he's run like all across America, and then he's jogging on this massive road and you can see all but a minuscule part of his journey, and he just suddenly stops and says...'I'm tired...I wanna go home'?? And then all the douche's who are following him are like...'Dude...what are we gonna do now??' I think I can sorta relate with both Forrest Gump and the douches at the moment.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
new beginnings =]
Hey, so pretty much....I don't know why I started this thing up. Hahaha. Why anyone would want to read about the thoughts of a skinny, maybe-not-so-typical asian guy who's a imitation Commerce/Engineering student, who tries to kick a ball through a rectangular hole on the weekends and has church mish mashed in between is beyond me...
But to be honest, it's probably just the easiest and best way for me to keep track of my thoughts; and I know I'll get a good kick out of this when I'm 80-something and have nothing to do except eat, sleep and aggravate arthritis in my knees whilst tending my garden (cos that's all I see old people do). And I know what you're thinking....'but Andy, blogging is soooooo 2004'.....yeah well....so is myspace...and I still use it...jokes...but...shhhhhh!!!!
andy.
But to be honest, it's probably just the easiest and best way for me to keep track of my thoughts; and I know I'll get a good kick out of this when I'm 80-something and have nothing to do except eat, sleep and aggravate arthritis in my knees whilst tending my garden (cos that's all I see old people do). And I know what you're thinking....'but Andy, blogging is soooooo 2004'.....yeah well....so is myspace...and I still use it...jokes...but...shhhhhh!!!!
andy.
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